IC journal [Phanrift]

[founderinglight]

 Dated (local calendar); kept in Armiger

Unless otherwise noted, written in Ancient Lucian (that is, Latin); those who read the language will be able to read the entries without any trouble, but anyone else needs to actively concentrate on what they're reading for the translation magic to kick in.

Comments

24th Spring [April 15th]

[founderinglight]

You're here.

Perhaps I should not address these to you any longer, now that you're flesh and blood and present rather than a fantasy of my heart, so allow me to begin again.

He's here. Real and flesh and warm and I could have stood there for hours without letting go, and yet -

And yet nothing could be more painful. Because he has a new family - and I am certain that they are wonderful, when they aren't justifiably threatening one's life - and I am not a part of it and it hurts. Worse than dying, maybe even worse than...

No, I still can't bear to put it on the page.

If there is anyone who deserves to start afresh, it's him. And I know that, I know that I don't deserve to have a part in that, but. He's still my brother, my twin, the person who was once my other half.

The wound was raw before, tender, but perhaps time would have brought healing. Now I cannot so much as stem the bleeding. This isn't

I hate it. I can't bring my thoughts under control no matter how I try. I know that I have been playing at normal ever since then, but now I don't even know what normal is supposed to be.

The misty visions will stop haunting my steps when we leave this forest, but he will not. He'll still be there. And even knowing that he had a point, I still bent to him so easily, I

What if he had still been of that darkness? Would I still have been ready to give him bended knee? I don't know. I don't like that I have to think about it, and deal with it. I don't like the possibility that I would.

Noctis and especially Prompto are going to hurt, and they too are my family. I can't abandon them. But neither can I help them as I am now. The king must lead, and Noctis was never truly ready for the crown, so all they have is me.

For my family, and for myself, I have chosen to live.

And for the part of me that cannot let go, I have only one chance. And I owe it to you to give it nothing less than my best.

So, please wait for me one more time, that I might meet you as an equal, instead of your unneeded, shredded lesser half.