Izunia Lucis Caelum (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
founderinglight) wrote2018-04-04 02:34 pm
founderinglight) wrote2018-04-04 02:34 pm
IC journal [Phanrift]
Dated (local calendar); kept in Armiger
Unless otherwise noted, written in Ancient Lucian (that is, Latin); those who read the language will be able to read the entries without any trouble, but anyone else needs to actively concentrate on what they're reading for the translation magic to kick in.
Unless otherwise noted, written in Ancient Lucian (that is, Latin); those who read the language will be able to read the entries without any trouble, but anyone else needs to actively concentrate on what they're reading for the translation magic to kick in.
13th Spring [Apr 4]
I'm sure Violet didn't intend those words to stick in my mind quite so well, but here we are. I suppose it's been a long time since I considered the question. She's so straightforward, always catching me off guard. That's what the youth is for, isn't it?
I told Jetshard and Astolfo about you. I imagine I'll have plenty more questions in the future, and it's terrifying to have it in the open, even if I've nowhere near told the full story yet. Jetshard asked if we were close. I think it's the most painful question I've ever had to answer.
"Is that the sort of feeling it is?"
A love that burns, like hot metal on skin. Even when the metal is removed, it blisters painfully, and scars. I know burning, with an intimacy few understand, because that is how the ring takes its price and we cannot Judge without experiencing something of it.
That was the first, do you remember? Burning -
[An inkstain, an aborted scribble.]
Prompto interrupted me there, and I think I am glad of it. I'll not return to that thought. He does me good even when he doesn't intend to.
He let me talk, a little. It was more censoring of myself than I do for these pages, but it was... I suppose, draining the fluid from the blister of a burn. It was nice to not have to explain it, the Scourge and the Crystal and all of it. I spend so much time doing that, any time I talk about you to someone, that I barely get to talk about you at all. That you loved chocobos, and machinery, and put ice cream in your coffee on days too hot to withstand a hot drink.
Well, I still can't say the first two to Prompto, considering his own particular hobbies. It's close enough that I know he'd be uncomfortable.
[Scribbled in the margin is "Where the hell did he even GET that egg?"]
I don't want to push him, but... It was a wonderful gesture. I talked about our parents and Juno a bit, too. Prompto only seems to care much for history when it involves people he knows - I suppose there are worse flaws to have.
Where was I? Ah, yes.
"Is that the sort of feeling it is?"
I have felt so many kinds of love in my life, and this is the first time in a long time that it has been without burning. I don't think I realized how much it ached until I felt the warmth of the sun once more.
She asked me if everyone was looking for the meaning of 'I love you.' I told her that it was not quite the same for everyone, and that some people sought the reasons why they love, why they are loved. (I'll not pretend I was thinking of any save Prompto with that last one, not on this page.)
I think, right now, the answer I'm seeking...
Can I love anyone else? After so long, so much wrapped up in our shattered brotherhood, can I love any other way? With the warm light of sun instead of burning?
And last of all - who else could I love but you?